Day 34 - Month 2

One month down... 

Well, the last few days have been a blast. Starting from the 1st day of month number two. It definitely wanted to welcome me accordingly. Since Wednesday night, I have probably slept a total of 12 hours, collectively. 

Today I am feeling much better, but the last 3 days have been itchy... My neck, face and arms were really tight and dry. I felt like if I turned my neck, my skin would tear. I actually did an ok job of not scratching. I kept ice packs on those areas several times a day, as needed. It did help with the itching and brought down the inflammation.

On Wednesday, I picked my son up from Grandma and Grandpa's house. They brought home an ADORABLE Golden Labrador puppy a few days prior. So, of course my dumb butt started to snuggle her, letting her lick me and jump all over me, because why the hell wouldn't I? PUPPY!! Well, her hair instantly effed me up! I could feel it sticking to my neck, and see it on my arms. Oh, hello flare. That evening/night, was so uncomfortable. Benadryl and marijuana to the rescue! I was able to fall asleep, but I woke up about an hour and a half later, scratching my arms raw. My ears were cracked and bleeding/oozing and my neck was burning. It wouldn't let up, so I made my way to the sofa and binge watched all the Ghost Adventures (it's my guilty pleasure) on my DVR. The good news is, I still managed to drag my ass off the couch and go to work on Thursday.

Friday was another story. It hurt to move any part of my body. There were red blotches on my arms, neck and legs. They were inflamed and itchy. A different kind of itch though, it burned and felt like I was being stung by bees repeatedly... Specifically the areas I just mentioned. The burning itch felt like it was deep under my skin and scratching it honestly did nothing. The itch could not be satisfied! As a matter of fact, I have bruises on my arms and legs from scratching so hard. I ended up working from home, I couldn't fathom getting dressed and leaving the house. It actually hurt to think about it. A dead sea salt bath was certainly in order. I spent about 30 minutes in the tub and then started to feel like I could move again.

My right arm took the brunt of it. My skin looked similar on my neck, and right side of my face. I did not take pictures because I honestly didn't even want to look at it. I avoided mirrors, knowing it would make me feel worse and/or stress me out, and ain't nobody got time for stress. I spent a lot of time playing with my little man... We watched movies, read a few books and a much needed snuggle sesh.

Today I was able to muster up some energy to do some work around the house. Which felt great! I am hopeful that tonight will be as kind to me as today was. Tomorrow is another day, which will probably be nice and flaky.

Day 29

Did anybody else think this? I remember contemplating this very thought as a kid... 

So, day 29. Almost 1 month in. I'm not kidding, I expected to be dead by this point. Each day brings a different surprise. Actually, 12 hours brings a different surprise. Sleep is a huge issue for me. I cannot get comfortable, at all. I toss and turn, both my ears are swollen, itchy and oozing. I rest my head, on my hand so my ear doesn't touch the mattress. Pillows are not helpful either. I am much more itchy at night, when I'm trying to rest. When I finally fall asleep, my uncontrollable scratching wakes me up not too long after. If I'm not scratching my arms, it's my back, or my ears, or my legs... and a lot of times they all itch at once. 

Overall, I feel okay. Just irritable, uncomfortable and tired. I continue to bathe in salt baths once per day. My skin can't bare the water any more than that. I feel like it just sucks the moisture out of my skin. I haven't been sweating or oozing much, other than my ears. I do wash them twice per day with the dead sea salt soap, along with my face/neck. Still no moisturizers, just Vaseline on my lips and eyelids (they are so dry and hard to open in the morning) and I've had success with this regiment. The first 2 weeks without moisturizer was SOOO difficult, but now that I have learned to "deal" with it, I couldn't imagine using it. I just don't want to piss my skin off anymore than it already is. Nah I'm sayinnn?! 

I'm still keeping a positive attitude, and looking forward to welcoming month number two. Just take it day by day, and taking advantage of the good ones. On those days I actually leave the house with my hair done and an outfit... Not a ponytail because I haven't washed my hair in 5 days or yoga pants, because the thought of wearing anything else makes me cringe. I still make it outside on those days, I just get into my "I don't care" mentality and tackle the day the best I can. My sunglasses are my security blanket. I'm a lot more confident about being out and about when I can hide behind them... You can find me wearing my sunglasses inside at the grocery store. Yup, I'm THAT person!    

Day 24. What's up?

Sleep? What sleep?

Sleeping has been minimal to non-existent since Monday. Scratching, being a big part of it, but the inability to find a comfortable position has been the main culprit. I'm restless and uncomfortable. My right ear is cracked, swollen, and oozing/bleeding... Let's not forget, ITCHY!!!! Resting my head on that side is out of the question. The ooze stuck to my pillow case, so sexy, I know. My back is also getting pretty red and rashy, which is a first. Wearing a bra, let alone a t-shirt seems like a daunting task. On a side note, I'm lucky my man loves me so much, because I seriously feel grotesque right now.

So, in addition to smoking pot to deter my attention, I've also been using Benadryl when I cannot stop scratching. I try to keep that as an option, not really a solution. Like I've said before, I don't particularly care to take anymore pills than I need to. I also don't want my body to become immune to it, because it has really helped me stop the scratching AND sleep. I can't speak for anyone else, but Benadryl makes me feel like I popped a horse tranquilizer. Night, night! So, I can only take one in the evening, and it typically takes about an hour to kick in, for me anyway. 

Diet. Ok, it does NOT help that I have a horrible diet and when I do eat, it's not much. I will seriously eat bacon for dinner. That's it, bacon. I'm trying to change that right now. I don't know if there is any direct correlation with how it affects withdrawal, I know this is another one of those trial and error type deals. But, it is just more reason for me to stop eating like a college bachelor. Currently, I'm drinking 2 liters (or more) of water each day. I've been adding oranges, lemons and basil to my water as well. It's a great detox and quite refreshing. Also, might make it a bit easier to drink more water if you already have a difficult time with your daily intake. I have also made a solid effort to eat 3 decent meals per day. I don't get cray with it, keep it simple, minor adjustments... One step at a time. I have also started taking a daily probiotic. Which I will say, if nothing else, at least it gets rid of a lot of extra bloat. Tried and true, friends!

With that said, here are a few photo updates:

Okay, so I realize that I look super unhappy in my pics, but I'm totally not. It just hurts to smile at the moment. The right side of my face is taking the brunt of it today. It is really hot/burning and again, uncomfortable, so I've had ice packs on it for the last 2 hours. The inner creases of my arms continue to be a nuisance. I actually scratch more there than anywhere else.

I know that my skin feels a lot worse than it looks and that's the crappy part. When people say "it doesn't look that bad, just like a bad sunburn", I'm like, "yes, you're right, this is totally comparable to a severe sunburn... When you have 2nd degree burns!" Bye Felicia!

With all that said, in comparison to what kind of withdrawal symptoms I've seen with others, mine have not been THAT bad. Because of that, I'm still shaking in my boots, waiting for it. This seems like the calm before the storm. :/

Coping with TSW

Medical Marijuana, No Moisturizers & Dead Sea Salts

When I started TSW, I wanted to find out what my fellow TSA were doing to "ease" the pain. If that is possible? I didn't want to overload myself with information or go out and buy everything that "worked", since each case is unique. Like most things in life, it is all trial and error. I made my decision based on what seemed most logical to me. Again, this is what works for me, at the moment and I will embrace that. If it continues to provide me with the best relief I know, great!

Let's touch on the use of medical marijuana. I'm a huge advocate for the use of marijuana. Why not, right? It is still not 'legal' for recreational use in the State of CA, however, if you have a Dr. recommendation then you're able to go to any of the thousand(s) of clinics throughout Los Angeles. I have used medical marijuana for a long time and for me it has multiple benefits. In addition to TSA/eczema/atopic dermatitis, I also have bipolar disorder and ADHD... I've been dealt an awesome set of cards. Lol! It took me a few years to accept it and to get the correct combination of medications, which I've been taking continuously (minus pregnancy) since 2008. I'm more high strung / high anxiety than I am depressive. My doctor has offered up Xanex, Ativan and Klonopin for the high anxiety, and I'm like "NO thanks!" They are highly addictive if used improperly and quite frankly, I have no interest in taking anymore pills than I really need to. 

When I started TSW, I did some research on the use of medical marijuana and topical steroid withdrawal. To my surprise, there wasn't much "talk" about it, so I'll share my experience:

• Great distraction. I notice that I do not scratch or even think about my skin nearly as much
• Relaxation. It is a lot easier for me to keep the anxiety and stress level down
• Sleep aid. Once again, helps turn my mind off and allows me to relax

I would like to add, that I am not a lazy pot head stoner, which is usually the general stereotype of a 'habitual' marijuana user. Not true. I'm literally the exact opposite. However, this is just me and my experience. Some people have no interest and I get that too. 

NO MOISTURIZER?!?!?!?! *Gasps* Yes, you heard me right. I'd found several articles and talked to a few people who ditched moisturizers during withdrawal. The thought of not using any moisturizers during TSW had me crawling in my skin. I've used them my whole life! What am I going to do? Well, I'm glad that I did. I ditched moisturizers because it just seemed to make the most sense to me. I think there are misconceptions on "moisturizer withdrawal" and in my personal opinion, I don't believe there is a physical withdrawal process. It absolutely is a process though! Seems like common sense to not to put anything on my skin while it is trying to heal. I discovered this rather quickly too. About 7 days into TSW, I was still using moisturizer. After I bathed, I applied my lotion liberally (as always) and noticed that my skin felt so much worse after using it. I was swollen, RED, burning and itchy... I knew that moisturizing was going to do this, and I realized at that point that I'd rather be dry and flaky, than red and itchy. Don't get me wrong, I'm still red and itchy, but there has been minimal burning, zero swelling, and the itch is occasional. I figured I'd let my skin be it's own barrier and let it restore itself since it's been through enough already.

Dead Sea Salt (DSS). Soooo, take a bath in super salty salt and then don't moisturize afterward... What kind of sick alternate universe am I living in?! I've avoided salt water like the plague for the last 12 years. Always going to the beach, but never going into the water, and that was no exception when I went to Maui. How sad that I never stepped foot in the water while I was there... Guess I'll have to go back. Bummer. Anyways, I'd been told be a couple of people that dead sea salt was great for TSW, so I got a few DSS products that I LOVE. I will promote it because it works very well for me and my son (also in TSW). Does it dry out the skin? Yes and no. Does it burn? The first couple of times, yes. It's a "good" burn though and does not last long. Here are the products I'm currently using:

Dead Sea Salt Soap | Dead Sea Salt Bath Salt

Day 22 Ramblings

So, last night was a little rough. I think I got about 3 hours of sleep, collectively. So, so itchy!! I couldn't get comfortable, no matter what I did. Since Andrew (boyfriend) has to be at work at 4am, I decided to go to the sofa so I wouldn't wake him up with all the scratching. The creases of my arms, my back and neck/ears are the most itchy right now. 

I typically keep my nails short, and it does help, but I have bruises on my legs from scratching so hard over my yoga pants. Does not help that the season is changing and the dry Santa Ana winds are starting to kick up. 

Other than that, I haven't had any major flares. Seems like I have one every three days, they typically last one day and then the cycle repeats. Flares are mostly taking place on my face and neck. I'm more irritable and uncomfortable than anything else at this point. I do believe that the worst has yet to come, so that has me stressed out, and I am positive that the anticipation is literally causing me to lose sleep. I'm just waiting for this volcano to erupt and right now, that has been the worst part.  

There are a few things that I am doing that have been helpful, so far. I am going to elaborate on what my regiment is in a separate post.   

Ready, set, GO

Okay, so today I am 17 days steroid free! I have been taking photos, a couple times per week, since my 2nd day of withdrawal. I have always been very self conscience of my red skin. Hence, the name of my blog. With that said, posting these are a step in the right direction. To be honest, sometimes I can't even bear the thought of looking at myself in the mirror. I'm scared to see how bad it looks. Turns out it feels worse than it actually looks. Nonetheless, I am all in, and I will make it point for this to be part of my healing process. Facing myself, so to speak.

[I know, I look thrilled. LOL! Actually, day 2 was fine. Just red, what else is new?]

[Day 6: Had to meet with a client and braved the world without any BB creams, foundation or concealer. My upper lip and cheeks were hurting and it was difficult to talk at the end of the day.]

[Day 12: Suckkkkeeeddd! I stopped using all moisturizers and I woke up that morning feeling like my skin would tear if I smiled. It was very tight, flaky and dry. My entire face/neck felt like sand paper. My eyes were swollen and crusty too.]

[Day 15: My face was dry and itchy. I could feel a flare coming on. Talking, laughing, smiling was making it worse. My face started burning and became really red and swollen on the right side later that evening. I used ice packs for a couple of hours and it did help.]

 [Day 17: I can say that full anxiety started to set in. The whole right side of my face was swollen and burning! Of course it got worse as the day went on and by noon I had an ice pack on it for the rest of my work day. It was fun typing a report with one hand. Also, my inner arms have started to burn, become swollen and red, and omg, soooo itchy.]

[Day 18: Yesterday, I woke up flaky and crusty and my eyes were swollen shut. I can't believe how old I look, and how gross I feel. I'm pretty sure I have dandruff on my face. Eeeekkk!]